How To Train Your Slavez

When you iz in charge of the house itz very important to getz the bestest slavez you can findz. When you getz a slave that is brokez (I been told that there iz lots of broke 1s) Tiz ok thats they iz brokez they just need extra training.

Routeen: Tiz important to getz your slavez into routeenz. With normal slaves tiz not hard as they gotz to getz up to earn your dinner. When they iz brokez they stay with you. Tiz a good thing as you can train them betterer. I findz waking them up iz the hardest thing to doz, especially if they iz having little white things to helpz them not be so brokez. I findz the bestest way to wake them iz with loud noisez. If your meow makez you more mouse than moggy you canz improvise with thingz to wakez them. Good 1s iz banging on windowz, doorz and wallz. If your slave iz not too brokez then jumping on their tummy will wakez them up but, you needz to be careful as your slave might try and teach you to fly like the birdies, this iz not so funz. If your slave iz still having sleepiez then as last resortz use strong smellz to wakez them. Yes, having a stinky iz the answer when all else failz as this makez them getz up quickener.

Meal timez:  Tiz important to supervise your slavez when they makez the fud and to rewardz them if tiz good. I findz doing a dance iz goodz reward. Tiz also importantz to remind them when meal time iz. You don'tz have to use loud noisez to remind them but tiz a help. With some practice your slave will getz used to when you iz hungry and all you will needz to doz iz stare at them till they feedz you. You must always helps when they makez fud for themselvesz too. The bestest thing to doz iz taste what they iz eating to makez sure tiz not bad for them. 

Between meal timez:  Between mealz and sleepiez you must playz with your slave to keep them happy. First, you must use your skillz to getz them away from the gooogly box or the compooter. I findz dropping things on the floor or stealing things will helpz them do there stretches and getz them up and walking. Obstacle coursez iz also goods for your slave especially, if they have an extra leggy stick thing. When they iz brokez, teaching them to use the extra leggy stick thing iz hard but important for them to learnz. Start with the basics, chasing the extra leggy stick thing and catching it iz funz for you and helpz them to watch where they iz going. To start with you may getz stepped on or pokeyed by the extra leggy stick thing, but with practice itz won't happenz so much. If you iz scareded of the extra leggy stick thing then leaving your toyz in the middle of the floor doez the same thing. Secondz, iz to walk round your slaves legz when they iz using extra leggy stick thing az it helpz them to balance which we all nose iz important. Beware! DOZ NOT play hide and seeks when slave iz usin extra leggy stick thing as you may breakz your slave more or you may have fore mentioned flying lesson if you startlez them. DOZ NOT letz your slave use the extra leggy stick thing all the timez, takez it awayz (if you can't takez it awayz then you must hidez it) so they iz walking on 2 legz (yes I nose tiz weird butz tiz normal for hoomans to walkz on 2 legs). Tiz important when you iz having sleepiez that your slave has sleepiez too. If they complain then you must steal the thingy for the gooogly box and sleep on compooter so they iz bored and sleep (WARNING: doing these thingz doez not alwayz work to getz your slave to sleep and doing these thingz may result in more flying lessonz).

Chorez: All kittiez have chorez to doz including; sniffing, grooming, meeting and greeting and watching squirrels. Chorez must be done between, sleepiez, meal time and training your slave. When you have a slave which iz brokez you must helpz them with their chorez too. Grooming your slave is very importantz. If your slave taste funny takez them too the white room where the wet stuff iz. They will groom themselvez but you must get all their stuffz off the shelf so they can reach itz. If you thinkz they takez too long grooming then make them go quickerer by playing with the shiny thing on the white chair with the hole in it. I iz not sure why this workz but it does. Other chorez you can helpz with iz, refolding laundry (as the needz the practice), checking the bin to makez sure they iz not throwing important stuff away, tidying things on sidez and sniffing and sorting mail (as it may be for you). 

Dudez, what waz in that cat nip!

Attention: Tiz very VERy important that your slave alwayz payz attention to you and doez whatz you want. If they spendz too much time on compooter tiz very bad, as soon you will findz them changing you fuds, your toys, your bedz and your brushez, if you do not nip this in the buttz early you will then find your slave iz trying to getz you hooked on the kitty nip and startz taking compromising photoz to show other slavez, if things getz really bad you may findz a new "friend" coming to stayz! The bestest way to avoid this iz to use fore mentioned techniquez to lure them awayz from the compooter. If these fail puking on the compooter while they iz using it works very well but, again, may come with flying lesson. 

Whatz the hell iz that! 

If you kitties follow my guidez you iz on the way to having a well trained slavez, brokez slavez take more training but iz well worth it. Rememberz that slavez are for life not just for meal timez.

 Sniffz and lickz too all. Lord Fester